Stop banging on their door!
Shashi Tharoor raked up a storm of sorts in the cyberspace (once again) by tweeting, “Unless her parents object,she should be honoured&the revised anti-rape law named after her. She was a human being w/a name,not just a symbol.”
Before that, he also tweeted, “Wondering what interest is served by continuing anonymity of #DelhGangRape victim. Why not name&honour her as a real person w/own identity?” To me, this tweet provides the answer why he should not have jumped the gun and suggested naming the law after the victim. If he does not know what interest it serves, then he should read and critically evaluate the whole process of victimization, survival, and empowerment.
Others like Anupam Kher and Javed Akhtar have come out in support of Tharoor too. Reading their comments is quite disconcerting. Let me break it down.
There have been examples of naming laws after victims in India and abroad. But each case is different. First and foremost, Indian public figures need to stop comparing everything with a US-yardstick. The two societies are very different in terms of political, criminal justice, and socio-cultural environments. The victims and offenders are often seen as ‘individual’ acts in the US, while in India it is usually ‘collective.’ For example, just couple of days after the Sandy Hook massacre, a father of one of the victims came out and expressed his condolences for the perpetrator’s family as they had lost a son too. On the other hand, despite being a very individual culture, media and politicians respect the process of grieving for all families even in the U.S. So, Indian film and politics walas should not try to compare apples and oranges. It is methodologically flawed and intellectually dishonest.
I understand that the people suggesting that the revised law be named after the victim have good intentions. They want to talk about her as a real person. But their contention that not revealing the victim or the family’s identity is a cultural or gender bias is not completely correct. I agree that in India, majority of crimes against women, and even sexual abuse against boys and men, go underreported for the fear of social stigma. There is also a mindset that once a woman is raped her life is over (as indicative in Sushma Swaraj’s initial statement). Javed Akhar tweeted, “i believe that hiding a rape surviver ‘s name is based on an unacceptable archaic belief that she has lost her “izzat””. Yes, in some cases, in most cases, it may be true, and it must change, but it is not true for every single case.
This is where I feel that Javed Akhtar and others are looking at victimization in a very black and white context. They need to understand that whatever ‘tag’ they give, there is a loss, a hurt, a harm, a violation caused to the victim and her family. It is not like a film where everything must be alright within 180 minutes. The Indian media and people in public sphere are calling the rape victim a ‘survivor.’ That’s fine. But they must understand that the actual process of moving from victimization to survival to empowerment is long and different for everyone. This is why it is imperative for them to give this family its space, time, and much needed respect. As a criminologist who has been teaching and doing research in the field of crime and justice for over a decade, I would tell you that there is ample literature, including extensive victims’ accounts on rape and sexual violence, where anonymity or privacy helps them move on; it helps them not to get defined by that one criminal act. People in all walks of life must respect it. That respect comes from bringing the perpetrators to justice, creating a safer environment for people, and working toward overhauling social, cultural, legal systems that have been failing the nation’s citizens. Please stop intruding upon the victim’s and/or family’s space for mere symbolism.
The point of ‘izzat’ that Javed Akhtar makes, comes into play when (and if) any victim (much after and independent of judicial process) wants to talk about what happened to him/her; and at ‘that’ time, don’t socially alienate them; rather, acknowledge them, accept them. But it is up to the victims or the surviving family members to take a call on that. It may happen in 2 months not even in 20 years. Given them space; don’t keep haunting them or asking them every few weeks!
Again, I am sure that these people have positive intentions, but as they occupy influential cultural and social space, they must think through some of the issues that are more complicated. Yes, Shashi Tharoor, Anupam Kher, Javed Akhtar emphasized that the law would be named after the victim only if the family wants to do so. Earlier, Anupam Kher was not happy with the privacy surrounding the last rites of the young woman, while her brother has gone on record saying that that is what the family wanted.
The point being, by making such suggestions over and over again, these people are putting cultural pressure on the family. They are forcing them to live in constant fear of what next. Just let them be! They have been violated enough. Be there for them, but don’t keep constantly banging on their door.
My heart goes out to the victim’s family. I hope that they find strength to move on.
So true! It’s crazy how many celebrities think they know everything abt society, law, culture etc and their blind followers add to their hollow egos. these people are playing with this family’s privacy and lives and will never even apologise for doing that.
Posted by Raxim | January 2, 2013, 3:30 ami was feeling the same. many of these people from film industry and politicians are only harassing and hounding this family so they get noticed. our notorious media has shown more restraint than these ppl
Posted by pragati | January 2, 2013, 1:25 pmThey have harrassed family already who now think that it is good for them. Family esp younger brothers will regret it later because it will become impossible to have any kind of normalcy in life for them and move on some way. Politicians got their 15 mins of fame while family will be further hurt. Its a stupid society and these family will always be now asked jee kaise hua, kaisa laga. sick!!
Posted by shraddha | January 2, 2013, 1:35 pmThough eventually court will appoint a lawyer for rapists, fact that many have refused to defend those creeps shows even lawyers have more integrity than these film people and politicians. shame on them for forcing family. i agree that if they keep bothering family every now and then eventually family will also lose perspective and importance of their own privacy
Posted by Mrs. Poonam Grover | January 2, 2013, 1:41 pmwe all know how society is. now other parents will feel if their daughters were not brutalized enough or what?? this is nothing but political circus. now that they have harrassed family and family has agreed and if dont name it family will feel bad. if they name it i agree with author that it will hurt family in long run when these politicians and film people will become busy with next topic. this is sad.
Posted by Asia Nasaf | January 2, 2013, 1:44 pmI agree with the author 10000%. Isn’t it telling that those coming up with these ideas are men while those against it like activists are women!! All the more important why there should be more women in commission that’s set up, in politics etc. Whether its Anupam Kher or Shashi Tharoor, they are only looking for 10 more cheap minutes. I’m surpised that Javed Akhtar supported them- he is usually able to think as a human being instead of just a man!
Posted by Mona Banerjee | January 2, 2013, 2:02 pmreally shameful how politicians and cheap actors have forced family into beleiving that its good for them to name law after their daughter. they really dont understand any ground realities and long term process of recovery for victims and their families.
Posted by Anu Ghosh | January 2, 2013, 2:29 pmIt’s only politicians and filmi people who are concerned more about what to name the law instead of actual changes in society. They are only trying to score brownie points and make political gains. Shame on these people for hijacking the real issue. I also agree with author on process of moving from victimhood to survival and how important privacy is for that. In all the rush the family may agree to name it after their daughter but will regret it in long term.
Posted by Prateek | January 2, 2013, 2:35 pmIt’s also only a matter of time that the law will not be applied in the corrupt system that we live in, and then people will say change the f****** law, and thereby abusing the victim’s name forever. Tharoor brings bad name to educated people and makes political show of everything.
Posted by R.Makan | January 3, 2013, 2:48 amanupam kher is obnoxious and self-serving. it’s only a matter of time that he’ll go to mahesh bhatt or ram gopal verma and ask them to make a film on this case and cast him as father! he will call it ‘tribute!’ sick and crass!
Posted by Raveena | January 3, 2013, 5:03 amPeople like Anupam Kher and Tharoor are raping this family of privacy and making mockery of the protests aimed at bringing larger changes. I agree with others that family will get carried away, more like socially bullied, but repent it later.
Posted by Amit Saini | January 3, 2013, 5:07 amkher and tharoor has same mentality as Honey Singh- will do anything to get noticed or feel relevant again for few minutes- no matter who pays the price.
Posted by poonam | January 3, 2013, 5:27 amVery relieved that the victim’s mother did not allow video recording of her statement!!!! Otherwise these voyers like anupam kher, shashi tharoor will ask that video be released because they want to see her real pain!! these people are sick and i fault media for asking them questions on important topics. it’s not like they know anything!!!!
Posted by Hemant | January 3, 2013, 6:51 pmi agree wid others- why media talks to these film actors thinking that they know everything about every issue? these very self-serving people who have blind followers, much like owaisi, they serve no one’s interests but their own.
Posted by Mallik | January 4, 2013, 12:14 amAnupam Kher thinks that everything is a drama! He doesnt understand how much the victim’s family will be harassed by news and even bollywood and tv serials people who want to sell everything. ppl like Anupam P. Kher Mahesh Bhatt Shashi Tharoor hv cheap and sick mind.
Posted by Sikander | January 4, 2013, 9:39 pmim reallly shocked at anupam kher and shashi throors demands to make victims identity public. very sick.
Posted by Poornima | January 6, 2013, 12:40 amJust like many victims do not know they are being used and abused, the same thing is happening to this family. It is no less than social bullying. Also people from film industry are only piggybacking on this tragedy. Shame on them and shame on whole system.
Posted by Rima | January 6, 2013, 10:59 pmnow anupam kher wants a photo of the victim and wants to know why her father said that she would not have married the male friend that she was with because of caste. kher wants a roundtable discussion on that now. sicko
Posted by Sudhir Dalvi | January 7, 2013, 4:11 pmAnupam Kher and Shashi Tharoor must be delighted now that the victim’s father is getting hundreds of nonsensical calls about her everyday!
Posted by Sumedha Roy | January 9, 2013, 5:26 pm@Sumedha Roy, i read the same thing. it’s so sad. the poor guy is worried about his bill running into thousands now. these film people dont understand the real problems and challenges. for them everything is just a show. just because they r in public life doesnt mean they have high IQ and EQ. very sad.
Posted by Vinay Gautam | January 14, 2013, 1:56 am